Leaving Lórien
by shirebound
Summary: The thoughts of each member of the Fellowship as they awaken on their last morning in Lórien. One short chapter per character. NO slash, sex, profanity, or violence
1. Frodo

DISCLAIMER:   Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 1

Frodo

Dear Merry.  From the moment we awoke he's stayed close, reassuring me that everything will be fine, that I'll feel better once we've begun.  He's positive he knows why I'm so tense this morning, why I've been so quiet.  But he's wrong.  Possibly for the first time since we began this journey, logical, practical Merry is wrong.  But he doesn't know it, and I can't tell him.  Merry thinks I'm remembering my parents, that I'm nervous about rivers and boats because of them.  But that's not it.  What a simple reason that would be, what a normal, simple thing.

But life is no longer simple for me.  Ever since Rivendell, when I took my first good, long look at the maps of the southern lands, I knew we might have to travel far on the Anduin.  And I'm afraid.  But it's not because of my parents, and not because I can barely swim.  It's because of the Ring.  Water…… and the Ring.

Isildur --- the Ring left him, slipped off his finger into this very river, and he was killed.

Déagol --- Sméagol took the Ring from him at the river's edge, this very river, and killed him.

Sméagol--- now Gollum, I suppose.  The Ring left him at his deep pool under the mountains.  He stalks us even now, I can feel it.

The only Ringbearer to avoid this dire connection with water has been Bilbo.  But then Bilbo is different.  How did he ever find the strength to leave It behind?  Here in Lórien, I feel stronger than the Ring.  I could have left It here, willingly, if Galadriel had agreed to take It.  But once we leave, once we start down that river, what will It do?  Will It sense we are approaching Its origin, Mordor, and stay quiet and hidden?  Will It seek another bearer and leave me?  No, It's mine.  My own.  Don't leave me.

It's all right, Merry, everything is all right.  I just have to stop these dark thoughts.  If they are my thoughts.  It's just a coincidence about the water.  Still, I wish there was another way.

We have a long way to go yet, and so much can happen.  I can already see things happening I don't want to see.  It isn't Boromir I fear, though.  It's the Ring.

I wish Gandalf were here.


	2. Aragorn

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 2

Aragorn

It was such a relief to be offered boats, yet the decision we must all make is just postponed.  I hope I'm making the right decisions, Gandalf, Frodo trusts me so.  How I long to accompany Boromir to Minas Tirith and help strengthen our city against the Shadow.  My destiny draws me closer to Gondor.  But if Frodo will not go there, I must go with him.  Boromir will soon leave us to go home, of that I have no doubt.  He has been a valiant part of this Company.  But that will leave only Legolas, Gimli and me to protect and conceal and feed four hobbits as we somehow approach the Black Gate.  As we somehow pass into Mordor.  As we somehow get Frodo to the mountain.  Is there truly any hope?

How would you have done it, Gandalf?  Would you call one of the eagles to carry Frodo to Mount Doom?  Would you send the other hobbits to Minas Tirith with Boromir to keep them safe?  Would they even go?  I know Sam would not, and I suspect the others would follow Frodo to certain death in Mordor rather than be parted from him.  But what can they do for him?  It was so important to you that Pippin come with us, I still wonder about that.  What did you know that we do not?

Boromir thinks the Ring should be brought to Minas Tirith, it is plain.  And sometimes I feel the same way.  But I can trust no thoughts regarding the Ring of Power.  Its influence on the mind and heart seems always to lead to ruin.  Frodo's resistance to Its call takes my breath.  All these long wearying years we have kept the Shire protected, at Gandalf's bidding, laboring unknown and unthanked…… did he know that such strength lay hidden in the Halflings?  That it would be needed?  So many things he knew.  But we must now walk blindly without him.

But not completely blind.  I see her everywhere.  She is my light, my beacon.  Be with me, my love.  Lend me your infinite patience and strength.  I cannot see how the end of this road may be achieved.  But as long as I can see you in my heart I will not lose hope.


	3. Pippin

NOTE:   Thank you SOOOO much for the reviews.  Don't stop!  It's ever-thrilling to read them and stay inspired to continue writing.

Ranger, your idea is a hoot!  Yes, Gandalf *is* "a little preoccupied at this time", but he does get to Lórien just a day after the Fellowship leaves, so maybe I'll just have to come up with something……

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 3

Pippin

Merry drew a map for me on the ground and showed me where we are.  We're already so far from home I can scarcely believe it.  Have any other hobbits ever been this far from the Shire?  No, we would have heard about it.  Up on that pass, that freezing place, have any other hobbits ever been up that high?  And so far down, down deep in Moria……but I don't want to think about that.

Merry says not to worry about the boats, so I won't.  It will be wonderful not to have to carry our packs, not to walk and walk and walk for awhile, to let the boats carry us.  I wonder how far we're going.  Do they miss us back home?  I wonder where they think we've gone to.

It's so nice here, everyone has been so nice.  Sleeping on soft cushions again instead of the hard ground.  So much food, whenever we want it.  That's helped Frodo a lot, I can tell.  He looks so much better now, not nearly so thin.  And not nearly so scared.  It's taken all of us awhile not to jump at every sound, not to whirl about and wonder what new danger is near us.  

It's been so peaceful, I wish we could stay.  How long have we been here?  Until last night I nearly forgot where we were going, what's ahead for us.  Is it much farther?  Will I be any use to Frodo at all?

So many Elves, so much music, even if it's been kind of sad-sounding music.  They're sad about Gandalf.  And other things, I think.  I wish I could understand the singing.  Strider translates some for us, and even Frodo can understand a lot.  Legolas hasn't been around much to translate, but that's okay.  He's probably heard about this place all his life and can't get enough of exploring it.  I've learned a little Elvish, though, we all have.  It's awfully pretty.  I wish I had paid more attention in Rivendell, to Elvish and maps and what everyone was talking about.  Rivendell seems so far away, I was such a child then.

I don't feel like a child anymore.


	4. Gimli

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 4

Gimli

Young Peregrin seems rather shocked to discover how far he is from the Shire, but truly I am farther even from my home than the hobbits are from theirs.  I have come so much farther than I assured Elrond and my father I would.

I need to tell my people what I have discovered here, here where I never expected to be, where certainly no Elf ever expected a Dwarf to be.  And without the grace of the Lady I would be at the border still, denied entrance to this land and as yet ignorant and blind.  Denied what I have discovered.  Of all possible things I thought I might encounter on this journey, this is the last I would have ever imagined.  It will be a difficult thing to convince my people, and I fear there is not much time left.  She has touched my heart and removed all mistrust.  The suspicion between Elves and Dwarves must end.  I must help end it.

I want to return to my people.  I must give an account of Khazad-Dûm, the ruin of so many hopes and dreams.  Since I have not returned with news, even now, certain among my countrymen may be planning their own expedition there; they must be warned to stay away.

All dead, all of them.  I still grieve.  I still grieve.  I cannot weep in the manner of the hobbits, and I have no countrymen here to bring comfort to my heart.  I, among all my folk, have now looked upon Durin's Bane and I wonder, what else has yet to be awakened?  How many more will die?  The Shadow must be defeated.  There must be an end to the darkness and the fear.  I must help end it.

I am pledged to this Company, there is no turning back.  I will do what I can.  I see anew that all hope lies with the Ringbearer, who now has one less to protect him.  We are greatly diminished.  How can I not go on?  How can I not?


	5. Sam

NOTE:  I can't thank all of you enough for the insightful comments and suggestions.  Every review is a thrill.  What a joy to be connected to all of you!

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 5

Sam

Everything's changed.  Everything's changed since I saw those pictures in the Lady's Mirror.  I can't bear to think of what might be happening in the Shire.  Of what might be happening to my Gaffer.  I want to run home; how could I have ever left?  How can there be such evil?  But there's no going back now.  Even if there was, what could I do?  What can anyone do?

Mr. Frodo knows what he can do, and that's enough for me.  He's taking that ring to that fire mountain, no matter what.  I want to go home, but he's going on.  What did he see in that Mirror?  It scared him.  But he's going on.  So I have to go on, too.

He was scared last night, too.  He knew that Boromir was talking about the ring, and so did I.  Didn't anyone else notice?  I guess it don't matter, Boromir is leaving us soon to go home.  I know he never promised to go all the way to the Black Lands with us, but it don't seem right.  Mr. Frodo needs all the protection he can get.

This traveling in boats don't seem quite natural to me, but Strider seems to be happy about it.  I truly hate to think what we would have done without him with us.  He could have grabbed Mr. Frodo's ring a hundred times by now and run off, but he hasn't.  That Boromir, though, maybe it is best that he go home soon.  I just hope Strider don't decide to go with him.  He wouldn't do that, would he?  Mr. Frodo needs him.  I'll beg him to stay, if I have to.

The Lady said she was wearing a ring, though I couldn't see it.  I guess Elf rings don't make you invisible when you wear them, like Mr. Frodo's does.  I wonder what they do?  Maybe the Elf rings keep lands like this so beautiful.  It's good to know there's places like this.  It's like we've seen every lovely place there is, so we can keep some of that beauty in our heads when we're in the Black Lands.  Who could have thought that Sam Gamgee would get to see such things, get to travel with Elves and all?

The Lady wouldn't take Mr. Frodo's ring.  I wish she had.

Mr. Frodo's scared, but he's going on.  Everyone was waiting for him to make a decision last night, but he didn't.  He hasn't made up his mind yet.  Or maybe he has, and just isn't saying.  He'll want to go alone, not bring us into more danger with him, I just know it.  Just like last time.  He nearly gave us the slip once, he'll not do it again.  I'll not let him go alone.  I don't know what's going to happen, I don't know how I can help him.  I don't even really know where we're going.  But I'll not let him go alone.


	6. Boromir

NOTE:  I can't thank all of you enough for the insightful comments and suggestions.  Every review is a thrill.  What a joy to be connected to all of you!

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 6

Boromir

We finally leave this place today.  It's difficult to know how long we've been trapped in this Elvish land, but it has been too long.  I have been away too long, half a year at least.  My father must despair of my ever returning to his side, but I am coming.  And the Ring of Power is coming with me.  This Halfling can no longer be permitted to stumble blindly south until he is slain and the Ring taken.  The War goes badly, my city faces defeat.  And here before me shines hope and power.  Power!  What do these Halflings know of our need?

The courage of Frodo Baggins is beyond doubt or question.  I will forever honor him for coming so far, through so much, to confront things these Halflings could not have conjured in their darkest imaginings.  Let them return to their little land, safe and sheltered from what warriors must do.  The young one, Pippin, he still thinks they are on a grand adventure.  It is good to know that such innocents yet live in Middle-earth; such as they should not be hurled into the darkness to be devoured and broken.  Such folly. 

There are none in this Company, in any Company, who have traveled past the borders of Mordor.  We who defend the south know that the borders cannot be breached.  Why does this Elvish Lady not warn them?  She is to blame, she and the Lord of Imladris, and the wizard, for encouraging this hopeless quest.  The Halflings do not know any better, how could they?  They hear the wise give false hope, so they hope.  They see that all fear to wield the One, so they also fear to do so.

Aragorn desires to come to Gondor, and I welcome it.  King or no, I have no doubt his presence will inspire my people.  I must persuade him to bring the Halflings to Minas Tirith.  How can there be any question that this is the wisest course?  Why does he wait on the word of this Halfling for direction or counsel?  Frodo spoke but rarely last night.  I do not begrudge him his confusion and fear, but he must be persuaded to see that all hope lies with Gondor.  The Ring must come to Gondor.  It is coming, father.  It is I who bring it to you.  It is I who brings salvation to our people.  You will look upon me and know what I have brought you.  All will look upon me and know.


	7. Legolas

NOTE:  I'm trying to find new perspectives on things, so thank you for taking this journey with me!  I'm incredibly impressed and grateful for all the feedback.  Every review is a thrill.  What a joy to be connected to all of you.

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 7

Legolas

For the first time in my life I can see an advantage to being mortal.  The Secondborn have so little time, they cannot afford to linger long in joy or rage or fear.  Or grief.  Even the little ones now understand that Mithrandir is gone, that new leaders are to be chosen, new decisions made.  Their sharp grief is blunted, softened by their time here.  It is the journey ahead that must now occupy them, not the terrors they have seen.  The truly unthinkable things they have seen.  Such resilience.  But I, I cannot move so quickly onward.  The long years of the lives of my kin mean that many things are lengthened and ever-present.  Memory.  Love.  And now grief such as I have never known.  I had never envied the Secondborn in any way.  Until now.  It will be long, long before the loss of Mithrandir is less painful to my soul.

I have taken to journeying far into the Woods with Gimli, whose long silences bring me great peace.  I have not known the value of such a companion until now.  I was greatly moved by the Lady's acceptance of this Dwarf among her people, and felt a need to know what she saw and felt that enabled her to welcome him so.  My eyes have opened to the silent strength he has brought to this Company, to the Ringbearer, and now to me.

The suspicion and enmity between our peoples have been long.  The memory of Dwarves must rival that of Elves in such things.  We are unlikely companions, he and I.  It is only in contemplating this new-forged friendship that I begin to understand what darkness may truly lie ahead.  Perhaps such an unlooked-for bond is forged because new strength will be needed to face what awaits.  Much may be lost ere long.  New alliances need to be made.  New ideas.  New hope.

That an archer of the Greenwood as young as I contemplates such things is a wonder to me.  Lord Elrond chose me to represent my people, above others more worthy.  I will not fail in his trust in me.

Mithrandir, you have left us too soon.  We will not forget you.


	8. Merry

NOTE:  This chapter completes the circle begun at the beginning of Chapter 1.  I've been trying to find new perspectives on things, so thank you for taking this journey with me!  I have tried to weave Gandalf's memory and influence throughout the chapters, as I believe they must have been woven through the characters' thoughts.

DISCLAIMER:  Of course. The characters don't belong to me, I just get to think about them day and night.

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Chapter 8

Merry

The nightmare is finally fading.  I hope everyone's been too preoccupied this morning to have noticed how shaken I was.  I've been reassuring Frodo and Pip, everything will be all right.  Don't worry.  But it's not them I'm telling, it's me.

The nightmare…… We were back in the Old Forest…… I was being suffocated by that willow, that evil tree.  Being here among the trees must have brought it all back to me.  The Old Forest, that's where it all changed.  Does anyone know why I spent all my time in Rivendell memorizing maps, the mountains and rivers?  Because of the Old Forest.  Frodo trusted me, I was so confident and arrogant in my knowledge and directions……… and I got us lost, almost to our deaths.  If Tom Bombadil hadn't found us we would be there still, smothered and lost.  My fault.

In Rivendell, Frodo looked at the maps a bit too, but he trusted that Gandalf and Aragorn could guide him anywhere.  Well, Gandalf is gone, and who knows what may happen next.  I have the southern lands clear in my head.  I don't know what else I can possibly offer Frodo in the way of aid, but if it comes to that, I won't lose us again.

I probably led those Black Riders straight to the Prancing Pony, when I took that silly walk outside the Inn.  What was I thinking?

I shouldn't have let Pip anywhere near that well in Moria.

I knew Frodo and Sam were hurt, yet Pip and I ran off and let them be left behind after Moria.  We were just so happy to be out of that dark place, that evil place.  Legolas had to tell us they needed help, that they couldn't walk any farther.

I have so much to make up for.

I guess growing up knowing I would be Master of Buckland, I never really had to think too hard about things.  Until I decided there was no way Frodo was leaving the Shire alone, alone with the Enemy's ring.  I tried to think of everything he'd need, and pretty much did.  He was so happy we were with him, that we cared, that he wouldn't be alone.

Well I'm not the heir to Buckland out here.  I'm a Halfling with a sword that's too good for me, trying to protect my cousin from a darkness we never knew about.  The Old Forest was nothing.  There are nightmares ahead, real ones.

Pip was so hurt when Gandalf was cross with him in Moria.  But I was hurt too.  At the doors, outside.  "Merry, of all people, was on the right track," he said.  Merry, of all people.  How little he must have thought of me.  And indeed, what use have I been so far?  Just baggage brought along.  I'm capable of so much more.  I'm trying to do my best.

Don't worry, Gandalf.  I'm going to make you proud of me.


End file.
